•  Jean-Paul Sartre

    Jean-Paul Sartre

    "In football everything is complicated by the presence of the opposite team" Jean-Paul Sartre

    Jean-Paul's tightness at the back was notoriously successful at securing the being and nothingness of a 0-0 draw. Unisex sizes small (36inch chest/90cms) XL (48inch/120cms) and XXL (52inch/130cms).…
  •  Albert Camus

    Albert Camus

    "All that I know most surely about morality and obligations, I owe to football " Albert Camus

    The first man on any teamsheet with philosophical pretensions. Alone, between the sticks Albert muses on the inspiring properties of the game he loved while preserving the existential being and nothin…
  • Monty Python

    Monty Python

    "There’s Archimedes, and I think he’s had an idea! “Eureka!” Archimedes, out to Socrates. Socrates back to Archimedes. Archimedes out to Heraclitus who beats Hegel. Heraclitus a little flick. Here he comes, on the far post. Socrates is there! Socrates heads it in! Socrates has scored! The Greeks are going mad! The Greeks are going mad! Socrates scores! But a beautiful cross from Archimedes. The Germans are disputing it! Hegel is arguing that the reality is merely an a prioriadjunct of non-naturalistic ethics. Kant, via the categorical imperative, is holding that ontologic exists only in the imagination, and Marx is claiming that it was offside." International Philosophy Match, Germany v Greece, Olympic Stadium Munich

    The game in which the Greeks put one over that German Kant. Devised by Cleese, Palin, Idle and the rest it was surely one of their funniest moments, without a dead parrot or silly walk to be seen. Des…
  •  Simone de Beauvoir

    Simone de Beauvoir

    "In seeking a goal a woman acquires that magnificent possession - the absolute" Simone de Beauvoir

    Don't expect Simone to sweep up at the back, but she could run rings round those defenders married to only performing well at home. Unisex sizes large (44inch chest/110cms), XL (48inch/120cms) and …
  •  Rupert Brooke

    Rupert Brooke

    "There's some corner of a foreign field that is forever England" Rupert Brooke

    He might have been poetry in motion on the field but Rupert's pentameter didn't run to Ingerland's extra syllable. Unisex sizes small 36 inch chest 90 cms) and medium (40 inch chest /100cm). Avail…
  •  Jean Baudrillard

    Jean Baudrillard

    "Power is only to happy to make football bear a diabolical responsibility for stupefying the masses " Jean Baudrillard

    Lofting the ball into hyper-space, Jean could be relied upon to confound any opposition. Unisex sizes small (36inch chest /90cms), medium (40inch/100cms), XL (48inch/120cms) and XXL (52inch/130cms)…
  •  Roland Barthes

    Roland Barthes

    "In football there enters an intermediary a ball. It is in order to possess it that one is strong." Roland Barthes

    Roland reveals himself as a theorist of the virtues of possession football. A spectacle of a signing, somtimes unsure about the structure of his teams he never doubted the mythology of his own talent.…
  •  Cain


    "Am I my brother's keeper?" Cain

    Good at hanging on to crosses, God's first choice for the number one shirt would be crucified if he let the ball slip through his hands. Unisex sizes small (36inch chest/90cms), medium (40inch/100c…
  •  Galileo


    An obvious choice to bolster any side struggling to put the ball through the air and in the back of the net. Coming off the sub's bench, proudly wearing Fermat's Prime Number 17, Galileo solves the pr…
  •  Oscar Wilde

    Oscar Wilde

    "Football is a game for rough girls, not suitable for delicate boys" Oscar Wilde

    An early proponent of the virtues of women's football, Oscar always understood the importance of being earnest in the tackle, but never fully grasped the Queensberry rules. Unisex sizes  XL (48inc…
  •  Fyodor Dostoyevsky

    Fyodor Dostoyevsky

    "Without some goal and some effort to reach it. No man can live." Fyodor Dostoyevsky

    The doyen of the crime of a red card and the punishment of an early bath. Dostoyevsky knew the necessity to plough on regardless towards the other lot's six yard box, with the sheer joy of putting the…